Hope Nicely's Lessons for Life: 'An absolute joy' - Sarah Haywood

Yvonne
I warmed to Hope's character from the start and appreciated her way of seeing the world. I had limited knowledge of FASD and it's effect on a child's development. The book was an easy read written with understanding of the challenges faced and the coping strategies which helped Hope to cope with day to day living. I enjoyed the book and give it a 9

Ffion
I’m sorry I didn’t connect with the book at all from the get go. I only got a few chapters in before I couldn’t go any further. The repetitive narrative- though it was explained why, I just didn’t get along with it. No score

Kirsty
I really enjoyed the way this book was written as it felt like not only was Hope talking directly to me but I liked that she also said her thoughts out loud which I do quite a lot too!!! However, I did start getting a bit fed up with some of the repetition in regards to her internal dialogue.
Not many people have heard about FAS so this is a great way for people to not only discover it but to see how it feels from someone who was born with it. I have previously worked with someone who has FAS and he was also abandoned by his mother. It is sad that they are the ones who have caused damage and yet they are the ones who escape. I found the storyline itself heartwarming, thought provoking, heartbreaking and funny at times (so quite a large range of emotions). It was quite slow to begin with but did start getting a bit more fast paced later on when certain events started taking place.
The characters were strong and realistic with the main ones being Hope and her mum Jenny but the secondary characters were all realistic with a mix of personalities. This is one of those books that will stay with me for a while. I would have to rate this book 7/10

Rachel
I adored this book. It took me a couple of pages to orient myself because of the internal monologue, but once I got in tune with Hope, I loved it. Her character is heart-warming and captivating, and most of the other characters are likable and interesting, too. There were plenty of unanswered questions that kept me turning the pages, and I really liked how everything was wrapped up in the end. Beautifully written - I highly recommend it! 10/10

Cat
I loved this book! Taking on a neurodivergent voice was a risky thing to do and could have gone horribly wrong but as the blurb at the back of the book showed, Caroline Day clearly did her research and the genuine tone of the book was appreciated by people who have FASD. I found the story absorbing, funny and emotional. It felt refreshing to be looking at the world through a different perspective. 8/10

Carolyn
I found the book very slow to start with and it didn't have much story. It could have been a bit shorter.
On the plus side I didn't know much about FASD before I read it and if the book makes more people aware that would obviously be good. I give it 5

Eve
This is another book that I thought I would not like – but I loved it.
I felt for the mother – Jenny – she had a very hard life bringing up Hope, and yet she succeeded very well. I know little about FASD, but it sounds difficult. I imagine that Caroline Day did a lot of research into this condition. Even when Jenny was very ill, Hope was really only concerned with her own life, living with this and still loving Hope would not have been easy.
The Novel explored friendship, as the writing group really seemed to get behind Hope to help her with her ambitions. The only one that did not was the man with the knotted scarf, who quite reasonably I think; thought as he had paid for the writing course, was entitled to full attention from the tutor. Hope likes words; she translates the names of the other course members into funny words or something she can relate to. Eventually, she relies on Connor Flynn, not such a good idea, as he has his own problems. Again, difficult situation to be coped with by the rest of his family, which they also do with love.
I liked the way that this novel was written in Hope’s voice, it made it all seem more realistic. It certainly made you think about your own life and how lucky you have been not to have these problems. Charming though Hope was, she certainly made her mother’s life difficult. The golden rules at the back of the book were very good and could very well apply to most children. I am sure we could all write a set of golden rules, with kindness being right at the top. I did enjoy this book and would give it a score of 10

Helen
I wasn’t sure I would enjoy this book - it felt like it was going to follow a very familiar plot and reminded me of other novels I’ve read before. However I found it impossible not to like Hope as a character. Although there weren’t many unpredictable twists and turns, the story itself was well written and enjoyable, not my usual genre but a nice change. The topic of FASD is something I’ve heard of but didn’t know a great deal about so that was also interesting. Plus no dog died! 8/10

Arleen
I found it a little slow at the start of the book and then it got more interesting. I found there was a lot of repetition but I certainly learnt more about what can happen if an expecting mother drinks alcohol when pregnant, and what could happen to her baby. I loved Hope and her lovely mother, and it was good that Hope found such a loving home. I also found it amusing that she thought she had a boyfriend but wasn't sure, as she didn't know quite what it meant to have a boyfriendat all. So bitter sweet, learning to be in an adult world.
I found the book was well written and went into the illness in great detail. I thought the author went into a lot of research for this book. 7/10

Mabe
I really enjoyed this book. I knew nothing about FASD and found it very educational and informative. A really interesting and enjoyable read. I would give it 8 out of 10.

Sonia
I found this a very disappointing book. The premise at the start was that Hope was writing a first person stream of consciousness account of part of her life; it was clear in the first few chapters that this was (as I had suspected as I have some knowledge of FASD) not something that would make a readable book. It was clear that Hope had a degree of brain dysfunction which made it impossible for her to write a comprehensible account. After the first 2 or 3 chapters the writing became much more fluent and the story became clearer which for me rendered the premise of the book null and void. It became a story written in the style of someone writing about someone who had FASD rather than the sufferer herself. For that reason I could only skim read the rest of the book and did not enjoy it at all. For me, the book has to live up to the original premise or it simply does not work. Had it started from the viewpoint of a storyteller recounting Hope's experience then I probably would have enjoyed it - I will never know! Very disappointing hence my score of 2 out of 10.

Average Score - 7.5

I feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas for giving this book two stars but this is an honest review.

While I could see what the author is doing, i.e. showing (not telling!!!) us what it's like to have FASD, by choosing to put us inside Hope Nicely's head for the duration of its 436 pages, this makes for a less than enjoyable reading experience. OTOH I now have a very good understanding of what it is to live with FASD or to care for someone who has it, so for that I do applaud Caroline Day for a job well done, clearly well researched and with a good heart.

TBH I skim-read much of the novel. The narrative, true to life as it may be, is repetitive and wearing in its relentlessness of authenticity. I do believe some relief in the form of POVs from some of its other characters could have resolved this flaw, that for me made it such a hard slog.

In addition I'm sorry to say I found it simply too upbeat, especially with regards to revelations in the latter part, the final Happy Ever After ending and Romance angle. Just too neat for this cynical and jaded old person.

I don't want to come across as unsympathetic to Hope Lively and the real life difficulties, discrimination and struggles of people living with FASD. I'm not one of those like Writing Group character Ludovic raging against 'Woke'. As a character study Hope Lively is educational, informative, sympathetic and, well, lovely. As is her Mum Jenny. FASD is not sufficiently widely known, certainly not the extent to which it probably affects, to a degree, the population of the UK, so we do need books like this to raise awareness.

A worthy read then, but not one I'd be likely to recommend to friends & family. I would prefer something less sugar coated, less like those American made-for-TV movies they used to show back in the day, issue led and ultimately saccharine.

I thought the writing style in this novel was cleverly done. Its repetitiveness gave you an insight into how exhausting the effort Hope , who had learning difficulties, put into analysing , understanding,and working out what she should do or say or not do in various situations using the mental tools her mother had taught her to use.
The sad situation Hope found herself in with a critically ill hospitalised mother was dealt with heartwarmingly in that a retired social worker, Hope’s employer and new friends she’d met at her writing group rallied to support her through this tough time. Hope had to deal with adversity throughout her life but never on her own which I found heartwarming.

I thought I really did not like this book until I began thinking about my review. I believe that the many of the core reasons I didn't like this book are exactly the reasons that it is a very well written book.
Hope Nicely is a mid-20s young lady who has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Dysorder (FASD) due to her mother's heavy drinking while she was pregnant. Hope was abandoned as a newborn but adopted by a wonderful loving and supportive mother almost immediately. Hope has limited cognitive abilities along with limited abilities to focus and remember. The book is totally character driven written in stream of conscience style. The author was masterful at putting us, the readers, inside Hope's mind and experiencing her world.
Here was my problem. This was so well done that I began reading in the relentless and urgent manner that Hope thought. It was frenetic, jumped from thing to thing, non-linear and bewildering. The tension of it was exhausting and anxiety producing for me. That was the way Hope was.
However I did have some issues with the styling of the book. It wasn't until the last 1/8th of the book that a mystery was introduced, played out and solved. Then everything was tied into a neat package with a pretty little bow. After experiencing the agonizing Hope Nicely's life it was too perfect and unrealistic. It felt too Disney happy ever after ending.
I'm not sure I would recommend this book to a friend but I did learn a lot about what it felt like to be different from the norm.

Hope Nicely is 25 and lives with her mother, Jenny, who adopted Hope after she was left in a cardboard box on the church steps when she was a baby. Hope was born with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). She has had a very happy life with Jenny who has made her feel very special and helped her to navigate her way through the difficulties that life presents to someone who views the world in a different way from most people. However, Hope is desperate to find out more about the circumstances surrounding her birth mother. Encouraged by Jenny, she decides to write her life history to help her explore these issues and she enrols on an evening course to develop her writing skills. When Jenny falls ill, Hope’s life becomes even more challenging.

Whilst I was aware that FASD existed, I couldn’t have put a name to it) and knew absolutely nothing about it. I now know quite a lot. In many ways it seems to present in a similar way to somebody on the autistic spectrum and both seem to share some of the same difficulties in perceiving and understanding the world around them. The book successfully conveys to the reader what it is like to live with FASD, both as the person who has the condition (Hope in this instance) and from the point of view of carers, friends and family. There were amusing interludes as Hope tries to understand the world she lives in but, at times, gets it all terribly wrong. These are handled sensitively and sympathetically and are very entertaining but not at all offensive. In essence this is a feelgood book with a big heart.

Whilst I am hesitant to criticise a book which has been written with such love and care I am afraid that, in my opinion, it was not without its problems. We are inside Hope’s head for the whole of the book, and it is a very long time to spend with anybody in such an intimate environment. With Hope in particular I found it both frustrating and annoying partly because we are very different people with little in common and I am ashamed to say that had we become acquainted in real life I would probably not have been as understanding as most of the people that she met in the book. The second reason I struggled with this prolonged intimacy was because of the stream of consciousness writing style which the author has chosen to adopt. It involves long, rambling sentences as the author tries to replicate the somewhat chaotic way in which our minds actually work. In Hope’s case, this is more chaotic than most because the world is a bit of a mystery to her, not helped by the fact that she thinks and speaks in an almost child-like and simplistic fashion so there is no real depth to the narrative. Unfortunately I found this irritating rather than endearing and I had to force myself to actually finish the book.
Also, the whole book is a little “sickly sweet” and twee, even down to the name of the main character.
Yes, as I neared the end there were moments where I almost felt that this was a feelgood book with a big heart, but the irritation factor was so strong that I couldn’t quite do it and was very relieved to have finished it.

And so to the difficult question of whether I would recommend this book. I am going to have to say that I would not but thankfully we are all different and you may love Hope and her story. Whilst this book was not my cup of tea, I have read quite a few online reviews and it seems to polarise readers. It’s a Marmite book. Just because I didn’t enjoy it doesn’t mean that you won’t.

This book is not an easy read, but I learned much about FASD. We must not be quick to denigrate others who are not the same as us. There are often hidden depths. I did feel that I was inside Hope Nicely’s head at times and congratulate the author on this achievement through her writing.

I struggled to get into this book and put it aside a few times. Written in the first person, the internal dialogue bounced around and I found it quite challenging to read. I then felt guilty, and so picked up the book again, with the mindset that this was a seldom heard perspective that deserved to be told. I am so glad I did! Sad, happy, but ultimately joyful, Hope's story has stayed with me long after the last pages.

Interesting book but I didn’t really warm to the main character and found the whole book was disjointed and repetitive- maybe that was the point but it irritated me.

I was reading this as part of Back To The Book 2 book group being provided the book for review purposes.

Dorset Libraries Reading Group

Carol's review:

Hope Nicely is living with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder, and was abandoned as a baby. She has joined a Creative Writing Group and is determined to dragoon her "jumble sale brain" into making sense of her life and to write her autobiography, in the hope that her birth mother may see it and explain. We are inside Hope's brain from the start, as she struggles to make sense of the world around her. On the way, we come to understand how her adoptive mother, Jenny, has taught Hope the skills to deal with the many challenges she faces, while always making her feel loved and worthwhile. Under stress, she repeats her rules like a mantra, but we suffer with her when she is overwhelmed and can only run and hide. She meets with both kindness and prejudice, and her dogged attempts to behave appropriately win friends and support. Jenny has a heart attack, and may well not recover - though Hope simply refuses to believe something so unthinkable. Through it all, she struggles on, and in the end has found out more about her own past, made new friends, and gained in self-confidence. We see everything that happens through her eyes, and I did feel I had gained more understanding of people with learning difficulties, without being fed lots of facts. This is a delight - funny, sad, and eventually life-affirming.

Jane's review:

From the start you get a grasp of Hope’s jumbled brain, how she tries to make sense of things but her brain just doesn’t seem to work right. Adopted as a young baby, her adoptive mum Jenny supports Hope and helps her grow, but underlying this is Hopes quest to find out why her mother gave her away. Hope wins a scholarship to join a writing course to help her write her autobiography and thus put on paper her feelings, questions and more. She struggles to conform, but she has her rules for getting through things, sitting on her hands and counting to 3 is one of them. Hope is faced with prejudice from some, but is supported and befriended by so many more. When Jenny has a heart attack, you feel the angst of how Hope can cope with this, and how she can process what has happened. The book helps you to understand people who as they say ‘are on the Rainbow and unique’, and you just feel for Hope and how through no fault of her own she has to face daily challenges and prejudice. Really enjoyed this, and so glad to be able to read it early.

Jean's review:

What a wonderful rainbow of a read. You very soon warm to Hope Nicely and become lost in her character. Hope Nicely has FASD and is adopted. She joins a writing group to write an autobiography in order that she might find her birth mother, but life has a very different agenda in store for her. You, like me, might have a very limited knowledge of those living neuro-diverse lives but don’t be put off by by the length of the book. A fast read of four hundred and thirty six pages of an emotional rollercoaster journey in which you will get an insight into what living with FASD might look like. This novel will have you laughing, crying, angry at people’s ignorance, and falling in love with some wonderful diverse people. You might perhaps notice some things in Hope that if you’re honest are there in yourself too. I love the way she talks about trying to remember something and it being like opening the curtains on a foggy view. Or how she worries that people will think she is stupid, a no brain. So sometimes she comes out with absurd hilarious answers rather than be thought of as empty headed. Jenny’s adopted Mother has tried to help Hope with some Golden rules to try to live by. These are quoted through out the novel and listed in the final chapter. What a difference those golden rules would make to our world if only we could try to live by them. Hope has some wonderful turn of phrases and some plays on words that are so delicious and will stay with you long after you finish the novel. They will have you laughing and perhaps seeing life from a different perspective. I don’t think after reading this book I will be saying, ‘I must stop thinking about that’. I will definitely be ‘flipping a pancake’! This is a book to escape into and yet to emerge from feeling you have learnt just a little more about life and how we could all be better people if only we could ‘prepare to smile brightly.’
Definitely a five star heart warming read and a book you won’t be able to put down till you have read it from cover to cover and even then it’s feel good factor will go on warming your soul.

Allington Reading Group reviews

Marion Porter's review:

Within a few pages I found myself warming towards the disarming central character. Hope Nicely has Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, something she has struggled to cope with all her life. She has a splendid, loving and supportive adoptive mother who has tried to give her strategies and mechanisms to deal with the frequently confusing or intolerant world outside her home. Now an adult, Hope is desperate to discover her birth mother and to understand why she was born the way she was. She joins a creative writing group and experiences a range of responses to her condition, but also finds new friends who come to appreciate her struggles and who support her when her life takes a devastating and potentially tragic turn. The writer does not shy away from the effect Hope's behaviour has on people who fail (or refuse) to understand her, but the book also encourages the reader not to take a judgemental attitude to mental health issues. Hope is an engaging character who refuses to be defined by her condition and wants only to be accepted for herself. A truly heart-warming story.

Marie Shandley's review:

Jenny Nicely adopted Hope as a young teenager. She was born with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), a condition due to her mother drinking alcohol whilst pregnant. Her adoptive mother, Jenny, introduced her to many rules to follow. She called these Lessons for Life. They did much role playing which helped Hope to remember what she was being taught. Jenny steered her towards as normal a life as was possible in this way. It was an inspiration to have her in a Reading Group where the others
accepted her. I found it difficult at the beginning but have read it twice since then!

Ann Mitchell's review:

I thought it was a really different book and extremely insightful into the daily problems and difficulties surrounding people with this (and similar) conditions. Also highlights that sufferers' lives can be enhanced considerably by others. If only there was enough love and patience to go around. The actual plot was good and the style of writing keeps readers carrying forward, although sometimes difficult to read how sufferers struggle with some things on a daily basis with what we are lucky enough not to notice. I would certainly recommend this book to others.

Ian Beverley's review:

I really enjoyed this. I have never read a book like this before and once I started I never really wanted to put it down. In a word, I found it entrancing.

Teresa Humphrey's review

Hope Nicely’s Lessons for Life is narrated by Hope a 25 year old young woman with FASD (Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder). She lives with her ‘real’ mother Jenny Nicely at 23 Station Close and decides to write a book hoping that her birth mother will read it and maybe then she’ll find out why her birth mother abandoned her as a baby. We first meet Hope when she joins a writing group and begins her adventure taking us along an emotional and sometimes amusing roller coaster ride. Living a life of golden rules set by her mum to help her understand and deal with day to day living, Hope’s world is turned upside down when Jenny Nicely falls ill. But Hope is unique, there is only one of her and she has learnt all the lessons for life from her mum and knows that everything will be as right as rain. I wasn’t sure at the beginning if I liked Hope’s character but it didn’t take long for her to creep into my heart and affections and I can’t wait for her next adventure.

A story written in the first person by an unusual heroine. The author was able to bring out her character despite the way that society viewed her.

Hope Nicely-
I’m pleased that I’ve read Caroline Days book , as it has left me with an insight & understanding of FASD.I found it compassionate & moving ,well researched.
There are some great analogises.
I read it along with my book group & it received a mixed reception.
Slightly frustrating , repetitive with several threads .However , what shone through for me was humanity & kindness .

I found the style of writing really difficult at first- repetitive and boring and thought I would not be able to finish the book. But I felt guilty about giving up- as Hope didn't ever give up and her challenges were so much greater than mine. I persevered and am so glad that I did. A remarkable book that make us so aware of the sort of struggles that some people have to deal with day on day- not just Hope but her foster mum too. And how important good friends are. There are some things that annoyed me- I think the name Hope Nicely is dreadful and this nearly stopped me from reading the book at all. But I'm so glad that I didn't let it put me off

Last night my review at our bookclub meeting was:
“I give it two stars....”
And I commented on really struggling to get into and on with it. The repetitive bits was frustrating and I eagerly anticipating another point of narrative...
It was tiring and frustrating and felt like I was reading 20 pages for something that could have been said in 2...
Fellow bookclub members mentioned how clever it is to feel frustrated like Hope must be.
I heard what they were saying but I didn’t feel it.

I still had to read the last chapter and a half. And wasn’t going to bother finishing it.

But then, I did and this is what I shared with my bookclub today (quoting the last 5 lines of the book) :

“ I spoke too quick and eventhough my words might have mattered..... I finally finished the book... And it might have been obvious to everyone else but I only had a lightbulb moment💡 now.
The style of writing was hard to get used to.
Because she wasn’t telling us a story she was showing it through Hope’s eyes...showing not telling...

Excuse me if I am a bit late to the party on this....but if I had to write a review last night it wasn’t going to be a great one.
I did struggle reading this.
But after processing it and listening to you all last night.
I decided to finish it today.

It is
actually
brilliant...

Because I felt frustrated and annoyed reading it! And that is what fuels the aggressive lashing out of the main character.
And I know Autists and FASD individuals process visually more than verbally.
But I, myself was ‘blind’ to the repetitiveness of her descriptions and associations.
It just annoyed me and I wanted to skip through the pages.

I am glad I persevered though.
And there!
on the last pages when she spoke about her perseverance I realised:

Caroline Day ! You genius !

I didn’t fall in love with Hope Nicely but now I smile brightly
For I understand the book

Well done Caroline,
And I apologise for everything I said last night at the bookclub meeting.🤐🤓
I really didn’t want to like this book.
Well played

I found the 1st few pages a hard read but I am glad I pressed on. I found I really wanted to know how it ended. Hope with her “jumble sale” brain and “Golden Rules” was a challenging protagonist but gave a real insight to how her brain was wired. I’m glad the members of the writing group (well mostly) and Danny’s family accepted and supported Hope as she navigated her way through this story, I felt they were well written and a needed addition

A pleasant & light read with an interesting look into FASD.
I didn’t really gain much attachment to the main character and found that her ‘Golden Rules’ would have been more pertinent to read at the start of the book, rather at the end.

A lovely insight into the life of a young adult with learning difficulties as she joins a writing group. Written from her perspective, Hope is a charming and engaging character. She gives you a great perspective on her life and struggles, as she tries to navigate through a particularly difficult period, when her adoptive mother (and primary carer) becomes seriously unwell. A great, although not always comfortable read, as she navigates through a quite traumatic part of her life, and dips into her past history and experiences too.

A lot of careful thought has clearly gone into this story, and in places the consequences of Hope’s birth mother’s choices are tragically sad. There are some beautiful character interactions. There are echoes of ‘Elinor Oliphant is completely fine’ and it is heartwarming how the individuals around Hope in the writers group warm to her and become supportive. However, the book does feel cliched in many places, and I did not feel empathy or engagement with the main character at all.